Confounded Accusations

Last night we got pizza. I haven't eaten pizza in a really long time. I'm on a self imposed diet. I need to drop like, 10 lbs in the gut. My cool shirts don't fit. Anyway, so i ate pizza last night. I think i had seven pieces. Now, and i know that this is going to be really hard to believe, i feel like SHIT. Like total shit. Man, i have stomach problems galore. I gorged myself. I ate to where I wasn't even close to hungry. Then i ate some BBQ chips. I'm dumb. Do you ever get heart burn or whatever that gives you a headache? It starts with that feeling where it seems like all the food is in your neck. Know what I mean? Speaking of that feeling isn't it great when you finally feel the food or whatever it is that seems to be in your neck move down to where it should be? You still feel bad but at least you can feel like you are on the road to recovery. Which i suppose I am.
It's the first really rainy day here in Sonoma County. Word, i think that they should make some kind of holiday that allows for you to lie about all day on the first rain fall of the year. The first somewhat major rain. Not a pun' drizzle or nothing. I mean a day like today. All overcast and shitty, cold and achy. I hate the winter. I as a general rule HATE to be cold. HATE IT. I'd rather be all sweaty and wet then bundled and cold. That's just how i roll. I want a hot tub. Then even when it's all shitty like this, no what i meant to say is that I want A sauna. One of those wooden rooms with coals or hot rocks or whatever where old dudes pour ladles full of water over to get the shit all steamy and fun. Man, i'd love that. I'd use it everyday. I would. I'm not just saying that.

Conflict. Seems like there is always some kind of conflict going on in my life. I'm hard to get along with. I know that much but damn dude. It think may be that the shit that goes on, that other people kind of let slide, I think that I take that shit totally to heart. Whatever. It isn't like the end of the universe or anything. Rohi, my friend that I wrote about in the last post. Is really self centered. I'm self centered by nature so like "game recognize game" I recognize dickish self centered-ness a mile away. As far as she goes though she has this way of making me crazy with her neediness. Do any of you have any experience with this?
I've discovered that part of my mental affliction is that when I'm around people with similar, no I suppose that they could be dissimilar ailments, I get crazier. It's like I'm a sponge for crazy. I sop it up like Bounty. I have an endless capacity for absorbing crazy. Ask anyone who knows me. That would be like three people outside of my household.
My birthday is coming up next week. I'm gonna be 32. Grand. What am i gonna do? Nothing. Just another bullshit night in suck city. That's the title of a book that I shelved earlier. I liked it. the title. Haven't read the book but I might. Prolly might.
Uhm, I need to not let this Rohi stuff get me down. Let me ask this.... what should I do? Try and work it out or just do like Isaac Hayes and Walk On By? Any advice is appreciated if not all together ignored...

I'm having conflict with this girlfriend of mine. Not Sara. Anyway when we were in high school i was in love with her. It was one of those high school things but it's bigger i suppose that she's the love of my life. It's like that. We never were involved that way and eventually we lost contact. Few, maybe like one year ago we were reunited by a chance meeting and have started to socialize a bit. A great bit. Thing is that i resent her. Really resent her. Resent her not being into me. Just resent everything about her really. Her life, kids, husband, house, minivan, fucking everthing. I just do man. I can't help it. I wonder though if this means that we can't really hang like close friends. I'm hostile sometimes where she's concerned. It's not like i think she's got it better then me or anything. I think i kind of feel like i think that she should have just walked on by that time that we met eachother again. I think that's what I was fixing to do. I prolly knew it was for the best. In my head i was kind of obsessed with her. I started working on this graphic novel about the whole deal. It was looking good too when I dropped the project. It was a drag dredging those memories man. A real drag. I don't know man. I sound gay here. Sorry. We're in a bit of a fight at the present time. Not the siege of Stalingrad or anything just a brief moment of hostility. She blew me, and Zelly off to go and have a "play date" that's what she calls em' I just say hanging out. That's another thing I resent having to go to "play dates" when i just want our kids to hang out. Oh, she blew us off to go and play with some family named THE JOLLYS. Blew the Castros off for THE JOLLYS. Heavens.......

So this morning I got caught in this loop with Zelly. She said that she wanted Maritza to move away. I didn't really wanna play along so I just said "ok". Then she said "But then I'll never get to see her again" and started to bawl hysterically. So I told her that Maritza could stay. She said that wasn't cool cause she wanted her to leave then she said that she'd miss her, after I said that I'd make her go.
It was totally annoying and it went on for three or four minutes before I told her that I was fed up with her bullshit and that her mommy pays rent and that she doesn't and if anyone was gonna leave it'd be her little freeloading ass. It was funny cause she asked me what rent was so I told her that it was money we paid to live in our house. I think that notion flabergsted her. It's not hard to flabergast a three year old though. just stick a balloon to the wall with static and you're god.
Oh, i saw this movie THE ISLAND with SCARLETT JOHANSON, the movie was Ok, it looked pretty but really lacked plot but anyhow one of the characters said something interesting he said, when asked who god was that you know how you wish and wish and hope for something to happen well, god is the guy who ignores you. I also heard once that maybe the voice you hear in your head when you think, maybe it's not yours. The implication was that it was the LORD but who knows, maybe it's someone else, like Batman or L Ron Hubbard.. Am i the only one who wouldn't be suprised to find out that Katie Holmes was artificially insiminated to have a like anImmaculate conception or whatever, like a scientology jesus or some shit?

hellokitty

allthingsflash.com - flash games, cartoons, movies, fun, etc.

my cousin Tom and Uncle John used to always tell me how dope THE CRUSHER was whenever they'd catch me watching WWF. he looks kinda dope. Kinda' doped up. God bless the dead. The crazy wrestling dead.

Professional Wrestling Online Museum - Ring Chronicle Hall of Fame Inductee - The Crusher R.I.P to a true wrestling legend. THE CRUSHER. Hope you pound some ass and some beers where ever in the hell it is that old school wrestlers go after they die...

I'm off to this birthday party across the street from my house. It's the big day for these little Mexican twins, Marco and Lalo. They're nice, totally unruly and kind of stoic. Really they're totally stone faced. I can see the big blow up jumpy thing from my window. I get nervous about this kinda shit. I don't wanna go but can't see any way around it. I mean it's right across the street. Directly. It might be allright though. My sister in law Margie is gonna tag along. Minerva to maybe but I hope not. I don't really like her to much. She did some mean shit to me years ago that acts as a wedge. Hmmmm, I drank a bit last night and now i have a bit of a hang over. I need to drink some water or something.

I just moved the entire biography section over one shelf. Why? I'm not really sure. Cause i was asked to i guess. It was really boring. Now I am done. I have like 2 and one half hours of work left and no idea what I'm gonna do with it. Prolly shelf a little bit. I mean we are super DUPER caught up so any shelving is really just to appear to be doing something as opposed to doing something that matters.
Uhm, what else? That's about it for today so far. Oh, the other day this old ass lady, like 75 asked one of the circ techs if he could help her find the number for social services. So what does this doofus do? He calls the cops. The cops arrive like, 20 minutes later and tell the old biddy that she has to come along with them. Turns out that when he called them that makes it and automatic incarcaration kind of deal. Like where they hold her for a period of time to determine if she is a danger to herself or to anyone else.
She of course didn't want to go and started arguing with them. Nothing profane or out of line mostly along the lines of her not wanting to go along with them. She doesn't want to go to the crazy hospital. She prolly just wanted to talk to someone.
Over like 15 minutes the situation escalates to where she is really yelling up a storm at was has become a group of 4 coppers and two ambulance dudes with a stretcher. It was a total clusterfuck. Anyhow she doesn't wanna go and they need her to so one of the cops yokes her up into a wrist twisting akido like armlock. She started screaming in pain and he responded by twisting a little harder in an attempt to get her out the door.
During the course of all this she looked me dead in the eye and hollered HELP ME! Dude, i was really upset by that. I had no clue what to do. I knew what I should do and that's to tell the fuzz to lay of this grandmarms wrist but I chickened out and didn't say shit. I'm kind of ashamed of myself. I mean, what could I do? Not much outside of observe and report it here but it really sucks eggs that we have it ingrained in us to fear cops and to keep our mouths shut while they do whatever the fuck they want. Most people were pretending that none of this was going on so i, through my good vantage point may have been the only dude to see the wrist lock. I wish i hadn't.

hey. I went to the laundry mat yesterday. Have you ever been? It's weird. While i was there, Zelly came with me and we got to talking about various whatevers and she told me that someday she want to have a son and that she is going to name him Paint. I like that name. She told me that Paint was going to work in an animal rescue center and that he would never hurt animals or eat them or put thme in a zoo. Then she said that Paint likes movies, the kind that she likes and that someday maybe i'll get to meet him. I'd like that. He sounds cool. I'd be his grandpa. How odd is that?

You have to try and picture this. I have this excercise device. I call it a Lex flexer after Lex Luger, the wrestler. It's a tightly coiled spring with a handle on each side. You push the two sides together. It works the chest, arms and shoulders. I like it. It's old school and it's helped me to have nice shoulders which chicks dig. Anyhow i was doing some sets when Zelly came up and started to hang from it. She then asked me to pick her up into the air using the flexer as an elevator.. Anyway i did it but first asked her, no TOLD her not to let go. So i get her up in the air and she lets go causing the bar to fly super fucking fast right into my nose. Dude, i got knocked on my ass. Total boxing style flash knock down. I was stunned. Zelly stood there looking at me like "holy shit, i fucked up my daddy".
Dude, it hurt. Maritza came in the room having heard me fall down and went all... YEEPS! Then she did the bit where someone asks you if you're allright in a manner that makes it seem like you are way more fucked up then you are. I checked for blood. Held my face tightly, like that was gonna keep my brains in or something. I was hurt. Now i have this black and blue stripe across my face. Looks like i, well it looks like i got hit on the grill with a metal bar..... If you read back over the last couple years of posts (like you are really gonna do that) you'll see i get hit in the face on like a weekly basis. I should look way worse then i do. I look good. Way good. Can't help but be honest. Especially when it comes to how handsome I am.

this weekend was fun. Ok, Shane, I saw an add in the paper for the dirty book store's little signing deal. It was on the sport's page. They said that Shane of SHANE'S WORLD fame was going to be there. When i was courting Maritza we watched a bit of porn and the shit that we both liked was this Shane's World stuff. It's kind of fun and no one seems to be getting fucked against their will. That's a turn-off. Anyhow, we dropped Zelly off with my moms and went down there. Mostly to just get a look at what a porn star ten years removed from the business looks like.
So we get there and i'm kind of dreading having to go inside and wait in line and look like a douche in front of Shane but lo and behold she was out front having a ciggie before the signing. I asked her if i could get a pic. she said yep.
She was hells of nice. I didn't really know what to say as most of my questions about the porn industry involve white slavery ( i figure that a lot of these eastern european porn whenches are being used against their will. It's just a theory. I base it on not ever knowing a super hot girl that wanted to have two dicks jammed up her nooners at the same time while the porn biz is chock full of them. Ok, maybe it's kind of a severe form of wage slavery but it's something that bugs me ok? I watch porn. I see some of the shit that goes on. I see the looks on these chick's faces while the fuck ugly fuckers.) and whatever so i asked her if she lived down south instead of getting into some issues. I figure that most of them do. Live down south. She says no, that she moved to Sacramento and that the drive up here was pretty. It kind of is.
We kind of blah-blahed back and forth for a few five minutes then i was all like, OK, i gotta go and split. Left her standing there looking all confused. Word.

SHANE. Our local porn store was having a little meet and great today with SHANE! from Shane's World. We went but were lucky enough to bump into her outside. She was hells of nice. No shit. We chit-chatted for a sec. She seemed to want to talk more but i blew her off. Really.

A pic i took for Joe. I hope he can use it in some way.

We went to this funny little punk rock garage sale. Didn't buy nothing. We're ass-out.

This is a cool cactus that i saw at Luther Burbank's garden. Maritza said she used to eat these. I wonder what the thistles taste like?

hey, so i made this earlier today. It's my morning post put through that voice thing. I think it's kind of funny It only works if you right click and use the Save As deal... Click here....

off to Rohi's house. Me and Zelly is gonna play around with her and her two little kids. I'll try and take some pictures. How gay is that? Well, i went over hwy 12 yesterday on the way home from work. I rode with Andy, he's a tech II in ref. I smoked his silly ass. I made him turn all pink from the frantic pace I set. I'm getting pretty fast on the DUNELT. We're really making a connection. It's important to do that. I guess it boils down to understanding the machine and the little way that it operates. I know the proper times to shift and how it sticks a little bit of you roll from 3 down to 1. That sort of inane data.
If i can't think of more interesting shit to write about i'm gonna have to shut this bitch down all together. I need some drama or something. Maybe I could just start making things up. Tell fables here. Make myself out to be really cool. That's do-able. (how do you spell that? Is it even a word?)
When i'm in a good frame i never have anything to write about,but my grammer is way better. I guess that stands to figure.
Lost is on tonite. I LOVE that show. It's something that Maritza and I look fwd to. It's all really starting to come together. There may actually be a payoff of some sort to all this stranded on the island hoo-ha. Oh and the girl Kate, she' played by this Canadian chick named Evangeline Lilly and she is like the prettiest girl in the world right now. I like her face. It's kind of goofy and she has big jug handle ears. I thinks that's adorable.
Some sort of ruckus outside my house. Construction of some sort. I wonder what it is. Seems to be across the street. Doorbell.... be back
Back, package on doorstep. Odd looking. Might not open til later.... Ok, i'm gonna jam. Did anyone out there mail me a bomb?

the strangest scariest thing happened. I was leaving to come here. I'm at work and as i was saying goodbye to Zelly and Maritza Zelly told me that I had to ride my bike on the sidewalk today cause i was gonna get sqooshed. I was totally freaked. I didn't wanna ride anymore. Nevertheless i did. Rode and stayed on the sidewalk and all is well. I wonder if Zelly has psychic powers? I hope not. We all saw what happened to that dude in The Dead Zone. If you've never seen it then i'll tell ya, it wasn't all gumdrops and lollypops for that kid, like i want it to be for mine.

hey, ok... the world,my world is totally falling apart. Fear not. It isn't like one of my normal, i'm depressed and wanna kill my silly self kind of things. It's more of a literal, things are actually falling apart deal. Not at all like Pakastan or anything but all sorts of things that i use daily are crashing. This happens from time to time. I need a computer monitor. Mine broke, started making this screwy little sound. Like "plunk" over and over again. So if anyone has a spare, i could use it. Then my bike basket snapped off when i had my ride in Maritza's trunk. I can fix this it's just a pain in my ass.
I have an idea. Know that program that evil sent me? I need something like that but that can make longer clips. Unlimited length bits. Anyone know one? Evil? I also require some web space. Not much, like 20-30 megs. Something like that. Hmmmm, i don't wanna pay for that but i need some place that will host some MP3s. Someone should name a band .mp3, like dot-m-p-3 I think that would be funny. It's funny if you've ever tried to organize a bunch of them.
Zelly is raging today. I can hear her out there yelling at Maritza. She does that shit sometimes. We took her cat to get fixed. I bet that has something to do with it. She and Banana are very close. We get her back tomorrow but as for now i bet Zelly is scared and all that. Man, i hate it though. It's hard to deal with a three year old with bad intent. Can't hit em'. Cant' really yell at em', they don't get it. She just thinks you're being a dickus, which you kind of are. Leaves nothing but sitting and explaining and that's like trying to teach a smart dog a trick. It's not that hard but it is time consuming and not all that fun of a way to spend the day...

TTS Interactive Demo Hey, Evil gave me this link. It's super great. SUPER GREAT. I fucked with dozens of people so far. Mostly Maritza. I told Zelly that the computer caught her smelling farts. Then played a sound clip of it saying so. Check it out. It's fun.

There is this girl that I have a really big crush on upstairs. I'm at work. In the basement. Her name is Emily and she works at the pharmacy where I get my meds at. She has kind of a big nose, which I like for some reason and really cute little "V" cut vampire bangs. She's been super nice to me everytime that I've gone in to pick something up. I want to talk to her. I wish that there was some reason for me to do that. Like some official liberry reason. There isn't. I wish that I was working circ today. She has some science fiction book that she is gonna check out. Then I'd be able to chat her up for a sec which I think would be enough to satiate my curiosity . What i like about her is her lab coat. You know the kind that pharmacy techs where. It makes her look like a cute little goth doctor. I think that i've actually wrote about this before. It's a long term crush. Man, do most married guys carry on about random chicks this way? Maritza knows about Emily. She thinks that she's cute too. Once when she was going over to pick some shit up i told her "If Emily helps you tell her that I saw her at the liberry once. See if she knows who i am" Maritza said "sure" She's good about capitulating to my goofy demands. I think she has an idea of what it takes to stay married. Let the stupid little shit slide. Just play along. Anyhow, Emily didn't work that day or whatever so i never got to find out if she knows I'm alive. I wonder if there is someone somewhere hung up on me the way that I get hung up on girls? I would imagine not.

It's been awhile. Sorry. I got a DVD burner for my computer and a new bike from EvilSizer that i've been tinkering up on. I also been reading about how it's gonna be easy to take the harddrive outta Sara Bir's old computer and put it up in mine. I need the space to store dumb MMA fighting videos i'm gonna put on disc. This is SOOOOOOOOOOO boring. I am sorry. It's been kinda slow around here...