Confounded Accusations

I bought this bottle of Chianti from Trader Joe's. It sucks. It's not Joe's fault. I guess it's mine. Whatever. Shit, uhm Randy Couture upset Tito Ortiz at ufc 44 yesterday, that's not really a huge upset. I thought that randy was gonna bust his ass but I read somewhere that in Vegas he was a 2-1 underdog. I guess that's an upset. I hate Tito, for the record.
I don't have a lot cookin' right now. I went to Scandia and played this ill game called Silent Scope. It's like totally Beltway Sniper style. It's so fucked up. You just bust slugs on cats from hundreds of yards away. Ugh, it's cool.
Went to some garage sales today. The best thing I scored on was a Star Wars thermos from '77. It's cool. The dude who sold it to me kept telling me how rich he was through real estate scams. I believed him. It's like, crazy dudes have no fear so ya know, he has no problem laying it all on the line dig? It takes money to make money.. or whatever... i don't know

Yesterday i met with my illustrator pal Greg at this shitty bar around the corner from my house. It was, i think a some what productive meeting. He's good. Prolly better then me but i don't think that it's in my best interest to let that on. This should be a cool colabo. I think that maybe we're on to something. Maybe not but it's better to think positive when it comes to this shit.
I drank screwdrivers. Fuck, i shouldn't have. I woke up after sleeping on my face with the worst hangover which was compounded by this ruinous neck cramp from the shit awful direction my head was turned at for nine hours straight. Wellm, thanks to the concern of the masses i'm finally back on my feet. Sadly it's a few hours before bed time.
Oh, and my wife is sick now. She has a cough. It sucks. IT SO sucks. Here is how much of a dick i am. I'm totally pissed at her for coughing so much. It gets on my nerves.. What a fucking prick. I know it's wrong but every time she does it, it just like drives me up a wall. She has this wierd technique where she sort of inhales her cough instead of pushing it out. I think that she doesn't want to draw attention to herself but i'm of the opinion that she'd cough less if she justlet it rip. Whatever, it can't last more then a few more days. I'll survive. Notice i said I...

Today i got my ballot thing. I'm glad about that. We moved recently and i was of the thought that we had to change something or some shit and we didn't. So i figured i wouldn't get to vote in this stupid ass recall thing. Ok, first of all i think the recall is DUMB. Oh, i live in California if you haven't figured out what i'm talking about.
So, i guess you get to first vote on if you think the recall is a good idea or not. I don't for an ass ton of reasons but you don't care, then secondly you get to vote on a canidate. I think I'll vote for Arianna Huffington. I've seen her on Bill Maher a few times and she seems like she's on point as far as her opinions and it seems like she really has her head screwed on straight... whatever, i mean, arnold will prolly win and California will be even more of a laughing stock then it already is. The part that's even funnier is that after California he'll prolly become president and won't that be a hoot and a half...

Well, i don't know. I was thinking. A writer, a great one manages to tell you a story right? But the story he's telling you is really only meant to tell you a different story. Like to teach you a lesson or some shit. That's what all the legends do. It must be in the job description, or something.
I wonder if that's what they set out to do or if it just kind of works out that way. Whatever. I wonder if that's something i should be trying to do? I don't think i could. Really, i think i'm entertaining, and that's cool but deep or intelligent, i don't know..? That's not me, by a long shot.. Hold on, my daughter just said "Fuck" That's wierd. but i digress.. ya, i'm capable of being entertaining and funny but that's it. I guess you gotta do what you do right? I mean you can't do what you can't right? Should you try? Prolly, right? I don't want to though. I think what i want, is to be what i'm not. That's not really true either. I like writing the shit i do but sometimes i aspire to more. Like to be good, not just fun or funny. Do you think that Dave Barry ever wishes he could be Kafka? Prolly not. He's too gay for that kinda shit...
I gotta go. I need to do number two.

ya, today is just motherfuckingly disgustingly hot. It's like ugh. SO i took Frida and Oola to the dog park. We were the only people there. Funny. I think that makes me the stupid ass one. Everyone else is inside in front of a fan or lying on the couch with a beer on there stomach. That's what i should be doing but as we've mentioned in the past, i'm stupid.
Days like this are suck, it's such a waste. i mean what in the fuck can you do that's productive? It's like too suck to work on anything that matters but at the same time all i can think of is that Bendis or Loeb are prolly pooping out all kinds of def stuff, prolly, if it's actually hot where ever in the shit it is they live they're using the heat as some kind of motivation to create awesome stories involving like super villians with like flamey powers or something. I don't know. Fuck em'
I gotta get ahold of my artist, he's finally back from down south and he has some sketches for me to look at. That should be fun. I hope that they're cool. I think we have different ideas of shit. I'm writing this for like 17 year old boys with eyeliner and not that he's not down with that i kind of get the idea that he views my scripts as sort of funny when i'm really trying for more along the lines of mopy teenager shit. Maybe that's funny to him. It probably should be, i guess.

I totally forgot this wierd ass thing that happened to me on the way home yesterday. OK, i was about a block away from my house and in the process of turning a corner when a deer, a young one jumped out of the bushes and started running along side and quickly past my bike. I don't live in the woods or anything so this was totally strange.
He passed by me in seconds but i decided to really crank it up and see how long i could keep up with him, if i could at all. I managed to get to where my front tire was up around his powder puff tail and maintained that speed for about a block. Then i think he heard me laughing cause to be honest the whole thing had me sort of giddy and well, he heard me, turned and looked right at me and took the fuck off like double time... It was fun.
Have you seen that movie Mad Dog and Glory? If not you should. Anyway in it Deniro is walking down the street, he lives in NYC and BAM there's a deer standing smack dab in his path. That's what this reminded me of. In the movie the buck just splits and that's that but whatever. That's what i thought of..

hey, believe it or not there has been a huge demand for a pic of the kid so i rummaged around through my keepsakes and found one of me during my basketball days... enjoy

hey, here's a pic of the shithole i'm shackled in all the god damned time.... enjoy

Well i guess i found some bachelor shit to do. It was fun. That cute librarian i told you about earlier asked me if i wanted to grab a beer after work so we went to this mexican joint called Mazatlan and ya, drank some beers, she had two i only had one. Cause i'm a dork and had to ride my bike home and it was all dark and shit. Anyway she's cool. She had on this really cute blue shirt and a shiny silver skirt. I like her. She's fun. Once you get her away from work she gets really talkative which is nice. Most people don't like to shoot the shit, ya know? So it's always a kick in the ass when someone really opens up about themselves. She told me about how she was married to ths d-bag italian dude back when she was younger and how no one talked to her in high school because she had a black boyfriend. It was funny. I walked with her over to her apartment and then took off for home. It was totally dark and i don't have a light so i was all scared that i'd crash and i almost did a couple of times because i sort of had a beer buzz because i hadn't eaten anything since lunch, i still haven't so i think i'm gonna take off and do that...

I'm at work. I work in a basement. It's really a cheery place. The air conditioning is out which is nice because it's like 451 degrees and shit. Oh well. I bought coffee which was way stupid. I should have bought pepsi and now i'm broke. What a loser. My wife is out of town for the night. I have nothing bachelor like to do, maybe i'll rent a movie or something. Who cares. I'll prolly just work on my gay ass comic book and drink myself to sleep. It's cool to be me sometimes.
I should be working but it's hot. What a puss, huh? I think of dudes who like have really hard shit to do like pick coffee beans or something and i get all bent out of shape cause the air conditioner isn't conditioning. FUCK. they should fire me. I'd fire me. You know what? I'd have never hired me in the first place.
How smart is that? I'd have hired some immigrant who thinks it's hella dope to do stupid ass work for a totally shit wage. We have a couple of them here. Everyone loves them, except me. I don't love any of the dicks i work with. Well there is this one really cute librarian who seems kind of fresh but she's a real rarity in the field. Most the rest of them are total whackos..
Think about that the next time your asking for some reference help. The old lady helping you is WAY nuttser then you could ever hope to be. Even if you shot up Kobain levels of horse, still you'd be left eating dust in a crazy contest with the run of the mill librarian... word up.

i was picking up a mushroom off of the floor a few minutes ago and when i stood up i hit my fucking head on the corner of this cabinet so fucking hard that i went down like Igor when he fought Cro Cop last month at the Pride Grand Prix. It hurt so bad. I was all dizzy and shit. I think i got a concussion which is like the last thing in the world i need right now. I think that really it's the last thing in the world anyone needs right about now but to tell you the truth outside of a few other people i really only give a shit about myself.
I'm on my way to Scandia. I think i'll play some Ms. Pac Man. That should help me a little bit, or at the very least not hurt me too bad.. Unless i end up sucking ass, in which case i'll just kill myself over by the putt putt course and try to figure out some way to have my body flail about near the gay ass windmill thing you have to hit balls through.. Word booty.

so, ya, i went to see my doctor. It was ok, he didn't up my meds like i expected but he did recomend a bunch of therapists for me to go see. No, that's not right. I don't have to see a bunch of them i have to pick one from the bunch and then see him or her once a week. I must be like Tony Soprano level fucked up. How nice for me... He also broached the subject that i might be bi-polar. Once again, how nice for me.
After the doctor i went to petco and bought a bag of pig knees for OOLA. She totally macked down on the one i gave her. Her enthusiasm prompted me to give one a lick. It wasn't really all that bad. It tasted like, uhm beef flavored plastic? Which i suppose is a wierd thing for a pig's knee to taste like, beef...

here is a picture of my dog. I got her at the pound. Right now she is sleeping on the chair in my office. She is cool, unlike you. OOLA

I don't know why i set this up. I don't know why i do lots of things. Tomorrow i'm going to see my doctor about the antidepressents he says i should take. I think that he's gonna up the dose. It's not that i wanna jump off the roof or anything dramatic like that but i for sure don't feel like i imagine other people feel like. If you are some other person and you happen to see this then drop me a line and tell me what you feel like. Keep it short though, i don't have all day to sit around and read that shit. It would be cool if i did. Maybe not. I can't imagine that much time. If i had it i'd sleep more. Have breakfast at noon or later. Then have dinner at like ten pm and go back to bed at three. I'd see the wierd shows that come on in the middle of the night. I'd see the goofballs that walk around my neighborhood after the streetlights come on. When the sun came up i'd tack a sheet over the window so the sun wouldn't cross my face. What a life. It must be fun to be a loser.

it's like two minutes later. This is so gay. I was listening to this song and it made me feel all shitty. is that what it was supposed to do? If so that's kind of dicked. Creating a song to make ME feel shitty. What a jerk. I hate Morrissey.

so today i went to work. It was ok, nothing special.. I think that I may be coming down with a cold. Like you care. Like I care. Well, i do, but only a little. I should sleep but don't feel like it. My wife wants me to tape survivor for her. how insipid is that.