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Sunday, March 07, 2004

well, life keeps getting worse. So much worse. Dude, if things don't work themselves out soon then well, i don't know. I can't say that i want to continue this way. Things have to change and drastically. The life i have is, i don't know, not a good one at all. I can't keep it up. I should just, i don't know do something. I've set in motion something that may or may not help. It prolly won't cause seriously, i can't imagine anything stopping my spiral but we'll see. There is a friend who decided that she was the source. I don't like to think so but she might be right, it's likely. She wants to be friends but like a boozehead needs to stay away from jack and coke i think it's best to avoid entering the bar at all. My shits in shambles and i need to build something in case i die tonight. I need to focus and as much as it'll hurt in the short term i don't think it can be worse then it is right now. i know she reads this from time to time but i can't let that stop me from trying to keep up the honesty level i pride myself on. I think that her saying we should be friends is a way, like when a chick wants to dump you of just making herself feel better about life. To limit her pain/guilt about hurting me. Whatever if that makes it easier to sleep at night then more power to her. I don't want to do anything that hurts but i can't let myself get dirted on either. Whatever, life will go on like it always has and eventually the present will be the past and when it is pain is only a memory.



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