Monday, February 02, 2004
This paints been tasting of lead and the chips will fall where they may.
There is a scene that I have on a porn comp. It's this black haired girl with vampire bangs and a chubby face, she has the darkest big blue eyes, if that makes any sense, try and see it in a goth kind of way. Anyhow she's blowin' this felon and i don't know, for a porn chick she's so unique and cool looking that i've always wondered who she was. Like what her name is. So anyway i found out. It's Naughtia Childs. I was stoked. I wanted to look her up in the adult film database which is an invaluable resource BTW to find out some other movies that she's been in so anyhow, i did and much to my dismay i discovered that she's dead. She killed herself. Jumped off of her balcony. I got really bummed out. I don't know why. I guess cause i thought that she was so unique and attractive plus she sucks pipe on video which is always a plus in my book. I feel bad for her. I don't know her, have no idea what she was like but i kind of wish that i did. I'd like to think that i could have helped her to be happy, not like a boyfriend or anything. Porn chicks can't be girlfriend of the week, sorry. Just been there for her in a friendly way. I wonder if she had anyone to talk to. Anyone outside of the buisness. Like normal people. Someone who could have convinced her that maybe she could just move to Tenessee and change her look and lead a nice normal life as a barback or something instead of letting wierdos take closeups of her special places. I don't know. Maybe she was a crazy bitch and it was inevitable that she off herself. Who cares really? What's another dead porn slut right? Not much in the grander scheme of things i guess, but in some way this whole thing has touched me in a way that i wouldn't have ever expected. I don't think any of this is coming across how i want it to. I think that what i want to say is that this whole scenario is totally bumming me out and that i wouldn't expect it to. People i know have bad shit happen to em' daily and i could hardly give a fuck. Whatever, i'm stupid
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There is a scene that I have on a porn comp. It's this black haired girl with vampire bangs and a chubby face, she has the darkest big blue eyes, if that makes any sense, try and see it in a goth kind of way. Anyhow she's blowin' this felon and i don't know, for a porn chick she's so unique and cool looking that i've always wondered who she was. Like what her name is. So anyway i found out. It's Naughtia Childs. I was stoked. I wanted to look her up in the adult film database which is an invaluable resource BTW to find out some other movies that she's been in so anyhow, i did and much to my dismay i discovered that she's dead. She killed herself. Jumped off of her balcony. I got really bummed out. I don't know why. I guess cause i thought that she was so unique and attractive plus she sucks pipe on video which is always a plus in my book. I feel bad for her. I don't know her, have no idea what she was like but i kind of wish that i did. I'd like to think that i could have helped her to be happy, not like a boyfriend or anything. Porn chicks can't be girlfriend of the week, sorry. Just been there for her in a friendly way. I wonder if she had anyone to talk to. Anyone outside of the buisness. Like normal people. Someone who could have convinced her that maybe she could just move to Tenessee and change her look and lead a nice normal life as a barback or something instead of letting wierdos take closeups of her special places. I don't know. Maybe she was a crazy bitch and it was inevitable that she off herself. Who cares really? What's another dead porn slut right? Not much in the grander scheme of things i guess, but in some way this whole thing has touched me in a way that i wouldn't have ever expected. I don't think any of this is coming across how i want it to. I think that what i want to say is that this whole scenario is totally bumming me out and that i wouldn't expect it to. People i know have bad shit happen to em' daily and i could hardly give a fuck. Whatever, i'm stupid
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