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Monday, October 06, 2003

ugh, i was writing this post and had to run and take the most ruinous shit of my life. It was hard like a rock. I imagine that it was like getting fucked in the ass but in reverse. It hurt like hell. I think that i like telling you about it.
It's wierd. I think i'm totally losing my stuff. I thought that after i started on anti-crazy meds it wouldn't happen anymore but it really just seems like it happens less, that's good but i don't want it to happen at all. My jaw gets tight, so tight that it totally hurts. I want to cry but instead i yell at everyone. I totally hate to leave the house so i just kind of wander around. In Rules of Attraction one dude says he feels like someone else's ghost. That's how i feel like a ghost and a stranger all at the same time. It's not a nice feeling. It's like being dead, which sucks and not even knowing yourself or what your capable of, which sucks way worse..



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